Message: Chevy Tahoe Commercial is good
Posted by: Ted Thompson on Wednesday 11/21/07
Ok, I've had it. I think I'm going to throw up.

What's on my mind is that insipid Chevy Tahoe commercial featuring that sneering little poem written by some ad agency idler with no life, who's probably allergic to bee pollen, thinks he's Robert Frost, and hasn't got a real clue.

I'm going to read you the poem. I will give credit where it's due -- the visuals are beautiful -- landscapes, wildflowers and waterfalls, probably computer-generated. But the rest is stunningly barf-worthy, and apparently, everyone in the world thinks it's "twuly wonderful."

Everyone except me.

Set this in your imagination to some new age music. Ready? Here we go. in my best James Garner voice:

There's a place that I travel
When I want to roam
And nobody knows it but me.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, stop your traveling right there buddy boy. You travel a road, you travel a route, you travel an astral plane, but you don't "travel a place." You can only travel to or from a place. That's not poetic license, it's poetic crap. Scratch the poetic.

Here's some more:

The roads don’t go there
And the signs stay home
And nobody knows it but me.

Uh...excuse me? Did he just say "The signs stay home?" The signs stay home? He really said that. It's like...Oh, I get it! Personification! That is so deep, man. Wow. Robert Fricking Frost.

It’s far far away
And way way afar

Cool, man. Twisty, turny twavels, twisty, turney phwases. What a way with words, dude. I wuv it. It doesn't have to make's so pwetty!

It’s over the moon and the sea

Really? But how can this be? The places I saw in the commercial were right here on earth, or so they looked to be. Maybe you meant over the moon and across the sea? But nuts, then you lose rhythm. Forget it, can't sacrifice rhythm for meaning and merit, can we?

Anyway, I have a hunch you might have plagiarized this part from the Kama Sutra. Tell the truth -- "Over the moon and the sea" is a sexual position, isn't it? Hey, next time, do "Around the world."

And where ever you’re going
That’s where ever you are

Whoa, whoa, man. d**n that's profound! Now I finally understand. I've found my inner self in a Chevy commercial. My inner child, my feminine side...I'm a little girl! The tears are streaming down my face. "Where ever you're going, that's wherever you are." Why did I never realize that before? It was all so simple, so fundamentally TRUE!. Now I'm going to Burger King, and when I get there, I will know in my heart, "Here I are." And then afterwards, "There I were!"

And nobody knows it but me.

That's because you're there. I bet you carried your little leather writer's notebook around in the pastures for a month while you stumbled over the cowpies to write this sensitive, steaming piece of brownrice pablum, didn't you?

OK, I'm done. But somebody had to speak up. I'd rather puke in a Ford than listen to this goo from Chevy on my TV.

Thanks for listening.

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